For somebody who just started blogging in the past couple of years, I will honestly tell you that I didn’t expect everything that has come my way. Blogging was  supposed to be just one of the things that would keep me busy. I’m probably one of the  millions who are undiagnosed cases of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Growing up, I strived to learn new things may it be from reading a comprehensive Atlas at age 6, attempting to learn playing the violin at age 9 and scuba diving at age 12- all these while struggling to deal with the learning disability dyslexia .

I’m just the type who would be aggressive in just about everything that I voluntarily set my self to do. Of course, this would often be the cause of immense joy and disappointment for my parents and at times, conversations about focus and priorities would always arise. The thing is, I never saw myself as someone who will just be great in ONLY one field. I physically needed to be involved in many things - having a band (and for a time being in two), playing basketball competitively, being in med school, debating in national tournaments AND blogging. Figuring out how to balance out things given the obvious finiteness of time has been a challenge, but it was and continues to be a challenge that I welcome everyday.

In two years of blogging, I never thought that it would be so instrumental to so many things that happened to me. For instance, being interviewed by a living legend like Cheche Lazaro doesn’t is a  rare opportunity yet I was able to have that privilege twice! There would have actually been a third one had my schedule just opened up. I guess I’m doing something right.

When I bought Atheista.net last January, the goal was to have a stronger platform from which to launch thought-provoking and novel ideas into the blog community. I was pleased with the largely positive response and this gave way to great surprise when I saw that much of the community supported my call for a more secular and politically-correct blog awards. Call it an emotional outburst, sly strategy or rude remark, but the end speaks for itself. That incident and the response has effectively ostracized the intellectually-inept from further meddling (at least overtly) in blog events. This has also changed the programme for most IF NOT all events since that point on.

Though I would love to be known for the other things that I do - my music, debate, being a med student and athlete — I know that my lasting legacy (at least for the moment) would be somewhat connected to the first Philippine Blog Awards. It was a bold move against more established personalities who knew nothing but to push non sequiturs and pathetic father-to-daughter anecdotes down people’s throats but in the end, the logic was clear - regardless of faith or non-faith, people were able to agree on a common ground.

As I moved away from that incident, I found that I started leaning towards a less hardline and more humanistic approach to writing. Everytime I walked through the charity wards of the Philippine General Hospital, I didn’t just see fifty patients. I saw way more than just their endorsement sheets that contained their laundry list of pathologic conditions. For every patient, I knew there was a story of struggle and of pain. For every day that a patient stayed admitted in the hospital, his or her family lost a considerable amount of money that the patient could have earned. This loss doubles due to the fact that every patient would require at least one watcher to attend  to the needs of the patient. Once you factor in the cost of medication, diagnostic tests and possible surgical procedures, it is not hard to imagine how someone perceived to have a heart made of stone feel vulnerable and affected.

Writing about emotions is foreign territory for me. Back in high school, after spending years under the Advanced English curriculum, I was selected as the school paper’s sports section editor. Believe it or not, I managed to say very controversial things in that forgettable part of the paper. I also joined a good number of essay writing contests but never did I write about feelings. I found classmates who wrote about feelings and *ugh* faith as people who were just pandering to the teacher’s good side to get a better grade. As I kept writing and reading, I developed a revulsion for such people who can’t get emoness out of their system.

Now, I’m both irritated and amused that I was susceptible to the emo bug. What I once thought were irrational trappings stuck to the grand framework of Darwinian evolution has once again - just  like so many times before this instance — snared another cynical, unfeeling sod to further be enamored by the ridiculousness of empathy and sharing a common experience.

I guess I’m seeing my two-year old blog career flash before my eyes. On the eve before the 2nd Annual Blog Awards, I feel a certain degree of satisfaction after being named a finalist  to three categories. Win or lose, I know that this would as close as I would get to feeling this way again. For a year, I devoted my efforts that no one else in my  immediate circle thought was worth the time and patience but in the end, a little affirmation never really hurts. I’m up against amazing writers and incredible people for all categories, no thanks/thanks to the undeniably more meritorious screening - albeit the glitches — this year.

As a debater, I know how it feels to lose. I know what it’s like to deserve a loss and I’m more than familiar with the unsavory feeling of losing despite deserving to win. I’m no stranger to winning, nor am I new at conceding that others could be better than myself. In the end, it’s a game of standards and preferences. If you win them over, good. If you don’t, at least you knew that you tried your best to give yourself a fighting chance. Maybe the fact that I will be probably not blogging as much this time next year bothers me. Again, this is as close as I’ll probably get.

We will all find out tomorrow.  I’m sure  it’s going to be fun.

*written after 30 hours of sleeplessness. Will proof read later.

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